Please Hold, Your Life Is Important to Us

Thank you for calling. Your life is important to us. Your estimated waiting time is… forty-three years. I woke to a notice taped over my door: "Your rent has been optimized—please pay a little more." The bank froze my money—protection assured, The clinic said, "Sorry, your pain's uninsured." I called every number they printed in blue, Each one thanked me warmly and sent me back through. A soft little voice, professionally kind, Said, "All of our humans are helping mankind." Every door had a code to scan, Every code had a fee. Every problem had a department, Every department had me. Please hold, your life is important to us, Your suffering helps us improve. Please stay on the line, place your faith and your trust In a system with nothing to lose. Press one if you're hungry, press two if you're ill, Press three to renew your consent. Please hold, your life is important to us— Your remaining time will be spent. The hold music changed, then repeated on cue, My claim was reviewed, then returned to the queue. My daughter grew older, my hair turned to white, The voice kept assuring me I'd been prioritized. My doctor retired, my company was sold, The chatbot grew smarter; I simply grew old. It offered six articles, three plans and a quiz, Then asked me to rate the experience as-is. Every year became a case number, Every case renewed the fee. The system learned my habits. It never once learned me. Please hold, your life is important to us, Your suffering helps us improve. Please stay on the line, place your faith and your trust In a system with nothing to lose. Press one if you're hungry, press two if you're ill, Press three to renew your consent. Please hold, your life is important to us— Your remaining time will be spent. I shouted, "Operator!" once, twice, then three. The voice said, "Please state what you need more clearly." I said, "Cancel the contract." It said, "Which one?" I said, "All of them, sweetheart. I'm done." I unplugged the speaker and stepped from the queue, Left my case number, password and birthdate there too. No upgrade, no survey, no premium plan— Just rain on the pavement and one breathing man. Please hold, your life was important to us. Your account has now been closed. We're sorry to lose such a valued consumer— Would you rate how smoothly it goes? Press one to return, press two to regret, Press three to remain where you stand. He left no review. He walked out the door. The system kept asking again. Freedom is not included in your current plan. To add freedom, please say: "Upgrade." … I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that.