My heart’s approved, my card’s declined

Two Coffees and a Credit Check [Intro — brushed drums, piano, muted trumpet] [Verse 1] I wore the good jacket, checked my balance twice, Found a place with the prices in plain black and white. She read through the menu like a broker at close, Then winked as she pointed right under my nose. “I think I’ll have lobster.” I said, “That sounds nice.” We both saw the warning: market price. [Spoken word, no melody] Market price, sir. The market has been… unkind. [Pre-Chorus] I offered her moonlight, she ordered Château, The waiter said, “Sir, shall I refinance you now?” I nodded politely, suppressing a wreck, And prayed my old Visa would survive the check. [Chorus] Two coffees and a credit check, A little romance, a little debt. My heart’s approved, my card’s declined; You’re out of my bracket, but still on my mind. Love may be blind, but the landlord is not, And roses cost twenty-five bucks on this block. So give me your hand and your FICO, dear— We’ll fall into love by the end of the year. [Verse 2] She said, “Money means nothing; I look for the heart,” Then asked if my four-oh-one-kay did its part. I told her, “My darling, I write and I sing.” She said, “That is lovely—but what does it bring?” [Pre-Chorus] I whispered, “Forever.” She whispered, “What score?” “Are you pre-approved, or emotionally poor?” I said, “I’ve got feelings, sincere and intense.” She said, “They are lovely. Do they cover the rent?” [Short Chorus] Two coffees and a credit check, A little romance, a little debt. My heart’s approved, my card’s declined; You’re out of my bracket, but still on my mind. [Bridge — still swinging] Our second date happened with friends in a pack: Six people, two muffins, twelve Venmos to track. Then we walked through the park where the moonlight was free— She brought her own coffee, and one cup for me. [Bridge — ballad tempo, bass and brushes] She said, “I checked your credit.” I said, “Darling, that’s quite bold.” She said, “Your score is nothing special, But neither am I sold On men with perfect numbers And nothing underneath. You missed a couple payments— At least you kept your teeth.” Then she slipped her arm through mine: “You’re risky, but you’re kind.” And no one’s read me that close In all my borrowed time. [Verse 3 — swing returns] No oysters, no valet, no vintage Bordeaux, Two paper cups warming our hands in the snow. Not a waiter for miles, not a bill to inspect— Just the moon overhead, and it never collects. I said, “I’m not cheap, dear—that’s not the right name. I’m liquid-constrained.” She said, “Sounds like the same.” [Spoken word, no melody] There’s a difference. She leaned in beside me, deadpan and precise, Like a maître d’ announcing the catch and its price. [Spoken word, no melody] She said, “Sir… the moon is market price.” …I’ll take it. [Final Chorus — key change, full band] Two coffees and a credit check, A little romance, a little debt. My heart’s approved, my card’s declined; You’re out of my bracket, but still on my mind. Love may be blind, but the landlord is not, And roses cost twenty-five bucks on this block. So here’s to the cheapest good night I’ve had yet: Two coffees, one kiss—and no interest yet. [Outro — band stops dead] Third date? …Let me check the futures. [Three brass hits. Out.]